BULLGOOSE: Finding a way with words that’s better than sliced bread

It’s not easy being an innovator, but it’s not always easy living with an innovator either. Sure, it can be lonely out there ahead of the pack, but maybe, just maybe, the pack is hanging back there for a reason, i.e because you’re a bit of a tool. A prophet is a stranger in his own land, but maybe that’s because he’s a religious nut (St Lola of Panania).

Henry Ford was an innovator, for sure, but he was a bit of a bastard.

Would you like to live with Elron Munt or Mark Zuckerbook?  Doubt that very much.

I have seen a photo of Otto Frederick Rohwedder, inventor of the machine that sliced and wrapped bread, and he didn’t look like an easy person to live with, no way.

Musk, Zuckerberg and Ford.

And what about A.J. Arnot, Aussie inventor of the electric drill? The electric drill! Legendary. But Arnot was snared in a council corruption scandal. What’s worse, he became a member of the Royal Sydney Golf Club. Intolerable.

The wheel was a top innovation, for sure, but that Grok guy was insufferable.

Inventor of the wheel: Check this. It goes round and round. Look what I made. It goes round and round. Hey, have you heard of the wheel? I made it. It goes round and round. So, one day I thought I’d make something that went round and round and so I did. I made a wheel. And what does it do? It goes round and round and round and round…

Have you ever thought about coming up with a quotable quote, a pithy aphorism or a catchy phrase that will echo down through the ages?

Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country

Out, brief candle

We have nothing to offer but blood, toil, sweat and tears

I disagree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it

I don’t hold the hose.  Wait…scrap that one.

I came. I saw. I conquered.

Clever words, but imagine what it would be like living with these language innovators while they were getting it out of their system.

It was the best of Charlie, it was the worst of Charlie.

Mrs Dickens: How was your day, Charles?

Charles: It was the best of times; it was the worst of times.

Mrs Dickens: Make up your bloody mind!

Little Dickens Kid: Did you like your Christmas present, Daddy?

Charles: It was the best of presents; it was the worst of presents.

Little Dickens Kid: Mummy, make him stop!

Jesus, at his desk:

Blessed be the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

Blessed be the high fashion models for they shall be paid for prancing about in high heels and sneering.

Blessed be the pizza deliverers, for they will smell like warm cardboard.

Blessed be Peter, because he will bring me smashed avo on toasted Turkish bread, and a black coffee with two.

Blessed be the confectionery manufacturers for they will, they will… they will make a mint, haha.  A mint. Hey Peter, check this out.

Peter (mumbling): One of these days, so help me…

Banjo Paterson: There was movement in the kitchen for the word had got around

that a hot and tasty meal was on the way.

Mrs Paterson: Shut up, Banjo and set the bloody table!

Banjo: There was trouble at the homestead ‘cause the wife had got the hump

and now all the fun had turned into affray.

Mrs Paterson: So help me, you prattling ponce, you’ll be the Corpse in the Snowy River if I have my way!

Banjo, get out of the kitchen

Ned Kelly: This is a stick up. Hand over all your money.

Bank Johnny: No!

Ned Kelly: Such is life.

Mrs Kelly: Ned, take out the garbage. This place is a mess.

Ned Kelly: Such is life.

Kate Kelly: Phew! Who farted? It was you, wasn’t it, Ned?

Ned Kelly: Such is life.

Ned Kelly was known for his farts.

Hangman: Don’t you dare say, ‘Such is life!

Ned Kelly: It’s my catch phrase.

Hangman: It’s become a cliche.

Ned Kelly: OK… I suppose it has come to this.

Hangman: That’s better, son. (yank)

A lesson to us all.


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