BULLGOOSE: Wes gets tetchy over some testing texts

A friendly reminder that Bodee is due for her vaccination on 19-5-22 at Palmerston District Vets. Please call 07311142653 to book an appointment with us.

Warmest regards,

Palmerston District Vets

Hey PDV, nice to hear from you. How’s tricks? Soon be Christmas, eh? And hot cross buns all year round; what’s that about?

Now, PDV, here’s the thing: Bodee isn’t with us. She never was, and that’s our loss for sure. To be honest, I don’t know whether Bodee is a Dachsweiler, Dobercavoodle, silver marmot, naked mole rat, alligator or a highly-trained and treasured pet slug. It’s hard to know.

Now I’m all worried about Bodee’s whereabouts and welfare. Bodee will need that second covid booster shot before winter hits like a TikTok yo-yo craze. Frankly, I’m not sure how much help we can be, what with Bodee being a Queenslander and us living in NSW, but please, if you think we can help in any way, you’re probably mistaken.

Nevertheless, we stand here in Bonalbo NSW ready to give it a red hot go. We owe it to Bodee, don’t you agree?

Regards,

Wes (and Alice) Piddens

PS: We do have a Bruce, but he’s up to date with his jabs. True, it was a nasty bite he gave the vet, but Dr Sh’arr’lean says the prosthetic foot is working a treat and she’ll be back on the job just as soon as the court case is settled.

(No reply received)

A friendly reminder that Bodee has an appt on 19-05-2022 at 09:40AM. To reschedule please call us on 07311142653. Thanks,

Palmerston District Vets.

(No reply sent. Fixing floodgates)

A friendly reminder that Bodee is due for worm/flea treatment today so don’t forget to apply! Warmest regards,

Palmerston District Vets

(No reply. More floodgates)

A friendly reminder that Bodee is due for worm/flea treatment today so don’t forget to apply! Warmest regards,

Palmerston District Vets

Hey PDVs, Bodee still hasn’t turned up here. We’ll keep our eyes open, but it’s tricky because we don’t actually know what she looks like.

What actual breed of thing would Bodee be at all? What colour? What does she answer to? Bodee? Boadicaea? Bodeelicious? Is she likely to come for meat? Whiskas? Corn on the cob? Jelly beans? Live worms? Llama ration pellet? Champagne? Or frogs, terrapins and smaller reptiles? It’s hard to know without some guidance.

I’m not being critical, but can’t you fill in some of the details? Haven’t you got that sort of stuff on file up there?

BTW, this is Reg (above). He’s as up to date as chunky heels and those stupid ankle boots, and any Rottweiler that can jump up into the cab of a Fendt tractor from a standing start has got to be one healthy dish licker. I’m not boasting. I’m just trying to assure you that the dogs we actually do own (as distinct from the un-owned, unidentified, enigmatic and possibly mythical Bodee) are vaccinated, wormed, neutered and ‘Living the Life’. Don’t worry about them.

Regards,

Wes Piddens

A friendly reminder to stock up on ROYEL KRETIN. Bodee will love it. ROYAL KRETIN is specialised and prepared under veterinary supervision. It contains chicken products, and marigold seeds to promote wellbeing. Your treasured pet deserves to manifest its best self. Bodee deserves ROYEL KRETIN.

Warmest regards,

Palmerston District Vets

(NO MORE MR NICE GUY!)

Listen, PDVs. We care about Bodee. We really do. We don’t mind you not answering our questions: we understand your need to safeguard the privacy of Bodee’s personal information. Or maybe you’re just naturally secretive. That’s OK. Different strokes for different cats. We get it.

What we don’t like is you trying to guilt us into buying overpriced, quasi-homeopathic fad food for a pet/whatever that we don’t even own.

Lockdown is behind us, PDVs, and I wouldn’t mind a vacation road trip. So, here’s what I’ve got in mind. If you send us another message spruiking ROYEL KRETIN or any such similar snake oil, Alice, Bruce, Reg and I will manifest our best, wild, affronted selves in your surgery to enquire about Bodee’s welfare and your sanity. We will come armed with a bag of generic dog chow to conduct a side by side composition comparison between the chow and the Royel Kretin. Bruce and Reg could well then ‘exercise’ all over your foyer, if you get my drift.

Piddens

A friendly reminder to stock up on ROYEL KRETIN. Bodee will love it. ROYAL KRETIN is specialised and prepared under veterinary supervision. It contains chicken products, and…

(No reply sent. By order, Alice)

A lesson to us all

Bullgoose

Scroll to Top