Chez Piddens. Allie on phone.
Ok, Toppy, bye.
Wes wanders by.
Who was that?
Where do you stand on gaming, Wes?
Where do I stand? Well back, and well to the side.
What?
Not interested, not tempted, not even curious. I know gaming uses more brain power and muscles than flopperising in front of the television, but I lack the motor skills, the killer instinct and the give-a-damn-ism to start gaming. Have you tried it, Allie?
When would I have time for that stuff? I spend all my time picking up the barker’s eggs of nonsense that you scatter all over the bowling green of my plans and aspirations.
And watching ‘Call the Midwife’.
So what? It’s interesting.
I remember Big Minch gave me a go on a basketball game one time. It was fun making the little man jump up and down and spin around, but only for about ten seconds, by which time the game had gotten away from me, and I had to pretend to try to catch up. Minch saw right through me though and never tried to interest me again.
Probably broke his heart.
I’m not proud. So, who was on the phone?
Cousin Toppy.
What’s the Topster up to? Still married to the real estate mogul, whatsit? Tyron?
Real estate mongrel more like. No, she booted him. That’s what she rang for. Apparently, Tyron tapped the wrong screen and sent several of his high-resolution sexting snaps out with some Open House invitations: ‘Grab this one quick.’ Lost his job.
Ouch.
Anyway, she said young Ebonee plans to be a professional gamer. Wants my advice.
Isn’t Ebonee still getting around in nappies?
She’s seventeen.
Well, I’ve obviously missed one or two Christmas boasting letters.
Ebonee seems to think she can make a living out of it.
Who knows? Music, acting, Lego Mastering, farming. They’re all dicey.
I don’t know what to tell her.
Tell her you’re not the Pope.
Huh?
Tell her you’ve never played the game, so you shouldn’t be making the rules.
I suppose you think you’re smart. Anyway, aren’t you cooking tea, Wes?
All is in readiness.
Yeah? But I can’t smell burning.
‘All is in readiness’. I wonder what was actually ‘ready’ when the dude/dudina came up with that expression.
I don’t.
And, like, when he tied up his shoelaces did he declare, ‘All is in tightness’? And after his wedding did he announce, ‘All is in marriedness’?
Who cares?
And did he drive everybody mad with it and they arrested him, and did he plead, ‘All is in innocent-ness!’?
Stop it, Wes.
And when he lay dying, did he croak, ‘All is in karked-ness…’? It’s hard to know.
It’s hard to live with you. What you cooking?
Thai.
It had better not be too hot.
Be not afraid. It is not for nothing that, in the Thai tongue, and in Tagalog, I am called, ‘The steady hand of chili shaking’.
You just made that up.
And it is not for nothing that I am called, ‘The beautiful jester’ in several European tongues.
And it will not be for nothing that I murder you to deadness very soon!
Remember the Thai restaurant in Bonalbo?
What, Aranya’s. Yeah. Bonalbo had a Thai restaurant back when Casino was shut up at night and all you could get at Byron after dark was a hamburger, or a devon and tomato sauce sandwich.
And we had an Aboriginal restaurant. Ahead of its time. Speaking of which, did you hear what Frenchy Fargas is up to now?
I don’t want to know! That maniac. I don’t want to know!
He’s talking about opening a restaurant. In that same building on the corner.
You’re joking! A French restaurant?
No way. Sago.
It’s called ‘Sago’?
No, it’s gonna serve sago.
Oh, here we go. What with?
Sago.
Do what now?
Sago. Boiled, steamed, baked, fried, spit-roasted, smoked or raw.
Oh, you are freakin’ kidding me! What has the world come to? Trump as President, and now Frenchy Friggin’ Fargas as restaurateur! Aaaargh! Aaaargh!
(Phone rings. Allie picks up)
Aaaargh! Ahem, Allie speaking.
Allie! Allie! Long time no see. Tyron.
Tyron?
Tyron. Tyron Pervart… Toppy’s…
Oh, Tyron. Yes, How are you?
Flat out, Allie. Living the life.
That’s nice, Tyron.
Yeah. I’ve, I’ve got a new business partner up your way, and I’m expanding my territory to Bom, Bombo…
Bonalbo?
Yeah, Bombillo. It occurred to me, you know, blood is thicker than whatsaname, and I thought I might be able to offer you this goldmine, ground floor opportunity to own some shares in a sago plantation, which is at Paddy’s Flat, not far from you. It’s the coming thing, Allie and…
Aaaargh! Wes! Aaaargh!
A lesson to us all.
Bullgoose
